I went for a paddle out in the wet
Deep in the water and deep in debt,
And what happened next, well, I quite forget..
Now why must everyone get so upset?

I told me wife that I was dead,
But she didn't believe a word I said,
And she washed me clothes and she kept me fed,
But she said "Best keep your side of the bed".

For five long years I stayed in the house,
I made sure to make no more noise than a mouse,
I talked to nobody else but my spouse
And I talked to myself when she wasn't about.

And everyone thought that I must have been drowned,
So if ever a neighbour should chance to come round,
I'd climb in me cupboard and go to ground,
Oh I made quite sure that I never was found,

Then we flew far away, and we bought us a flat,
Then I posed for a pic in my panama hat,
And it seemed that somebody smelt a rat,
And it all came out - and that was that.

So if anyone else wants to have a try,
You've got to take care when you make to die,
You've got sly and you've got to act shy,
If you don't you might end just the same as I.