Grandma got run over by a pirate,
Walkin' home from our house Chriftmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as FSM,
But as for me 'n Grandpa, we believe.

She was drinking too much egg-nog,
and we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication
so she staggered out the door and through the snow.

When we found her Chriftmas morning
at the scene ot the attack,
She had noodles on her forehead
and marinara sauce marks on her back.