' " What happens to us" - when I say that, of course includes what we do ourselves, and to ourselves, as well as what other people and other aspets of our environment contribute.'

    I for one really required that comment. I would never have guessed that meaning.

    'What happens to us' to me means being in a passive place, like 'what has been done to us'. It's the species of phrase used by people to express their inability to act.

    That shows in a close-up, jusat how very easy it is for misunderstandings to arise.


   

   I am all too aware how difficult it is for us to make much headway in raking OUR responsibility. So we prefer to read/understand 'OUR responsibility' identically with 'THE resposibility', which we also then equate with being 'the one to be blamed' or critised, the one thing we seek to avoid - hence blaming.

   When we blame, we let ourselves off all hooks.

   And if the other does the same, we have, if nothing grander, arguments.

   Ivor