Mohammed The Teddy Bear

(To the tune of Teddy Bears' Picnic)

If you go down to Sudan today, you're in for a big surprise
If you go down to Sudan today, you'd better go in disguise
For every bear that ever there was
Is shitting his pants for certain because
They're out to get a teddy bear called Mohammed

If you're a teddy bear in Sudan, you'd better watch what you do
If you're a teddy bear in Sudan, you know that they're after you
So change your name to Edward Bear
Or Jim or Frank or Alistair
Whatever you do don't call yourself Mohammed

Life was good for teddy bears
Before the men with beards began to rant and shout
If they catch you unawares
They'll tear your fur right off and pull your stuffing out

If you've got a prophet's name
They'll pull your eyes right out and toss you in the air
So just wait till they're at prayers
Then creep off down the stairs and be happy little teddy bears


Additional verse if required:

If you go down to Sudan today, you'd better not go alone
It's lovely down in Sudan today but safer to stay at home
For tempers there are getting hot
They're trying to get the teacher shot
Because they called a teddy bear Mohammed