This is from a "fan" who has not gone to a football game in about fifty-five years. You'll see why.

This deals with the phenomenon of lopsided games--egregiously lopsided games--where depressed spectators on the losing side give up and leave before the end, to trudge to their cars to get ahead of the traffic rush. But that's not all.

In the fall of '50, or maybe it was '51 (and perhaps still today) Iowa wanted in the WORST way to beat Minnesota--who wanted in the WORST way to be, not Iowa, but Michigan State. I'm going to tell you about Minnesota Homecoming that year, Iowa at Minnesota. I was there in the stands, on my student pass, and on my solemn oath here's what happened:

Iowa romped over Minnesota from the beginning of the game onwards, scoring with depressing regularity. I can't give you actual score numbers, but near the end of the game it was painfully, painfully obvious that Minnesota had not a proverbial snowball's chance in hell of winning.

What I'm about to relate happened in the LAST TWO MINUTES OF PLAY, in that lopsided condition. Minnesota fans were streaming down the aisles, heading slowly and dejectedly to their cars.

At two minutes to go, Iowa kicked the ball. Minnesota grabbed the ball, ran for a touchdown. Converted. Wonderful, but we're still in snowball country.

Then Iowa kicked the ball. Minnesota grabbed it. Touchdown! Converted! You don't know how much better the Gophers still in the stands all felt, but we knew we were still going to lose. And then, and then . . . .

Iowa kicked the ball AGAIN! And again, Minnesota grabbed the ball, and the ballcarrier snaked that long way through the Iowans down the field, and TOUCHDOWN! What's more, CONVERTED! The buzzer sounded, and the game was over, to whooping and hollering, jumping up and down, hand-waving, and what not. A lot of sore throats out of that.

We won by one point, as I recall. And all that happened in the last two minutes.

And if you don't think there were some SICK PEOPLE who had left early, you've got no empathy in you!

Now you see why I haven't been to a football game in about fifty-five years. After that two minutes, I've seen the very peak of sports excitement. There's no way another game could reach those heights.

Dave Oesterreich