mg, to find peace on this for yourself, try asking your priest about the theology of efficacy. To reduce a coimlicated theological concept to a brief post-- it's about where intent and action converge and about the spiritual effectiveness that occurs or does not occur depedning on where the heart is. One example would be, "when is communion, communion?" Another would be, "when is a gesture meant one way pure because of the strength of its intention, and when is it corrupt by its very nature?" Efficacy is about God's read of the heart-- ask him the RC theology around that.

~Susan