My favourite about getting old was recorded from a Welsh miner in the late 1950s.
Three retired miners sitting on a park bench discussing how they would like to 'shuffle off this mortal coil'.
The youngest (65) says, I would like to go up in one of these Sputniks I've been reading about, up in the sky; higher, higher, higher - then burn out - whoosh - that's how I'd like to go.
The second in his early seventies said, "well, I'd like to get into one of these sports cars - 50mph, 60, 70, 80, 100mph, then bang! into a tree - that's how I'd like to go.
The oldest one in his late eighties was silent, so the others asked, "How about you David, how would you like to go?
"Well boys, you disappoint me; you have no ambition".
"Well, how would you like to go?"
"I'd like to be shot by a jealous husband".

Jim Carroll