My dear man, that sounds absolutely excruciating to me - my face hurts just reading about it.

By the way... I do like a man with a beard, so y'oughta just let it grow. Then you can look intelligent and thoughtful while gently scritching the itchy spots, instead of just a bit scrofulous. ;-D

Here's wishing you a good Christmas, lots of healing, and a bunch of good buddies to help you celebrate.