Well, it ain't no two-fer, but it'll have to do:

Big Mama, Why'd Ya Point That Ought Six At Me? (Tune: Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Color TV)

Oh Mamaw, why'd ya have to spoil all our fun?
Can't you carry a walking stick, in place of a gun?
'Stead of cruising in my SUV, now I'm on the run
Oh Mamaw, why'd ya have to spoil all our fun?

Oh Nana, we were just out to have a good time
Just picking up a pizza, that ain't no crime
And I'd ordered extra cheese - it woulda been so sublime
Oh Nana, we were just out to have a good time

Oh Grandma, didn't you take your medicine today?
What wrong was I doing, driving out for takeaway?
Were you tripping on progesterone, did you OD on satchet?
Oh Grandma, didn't you take your medicine today?

Big Mama, why'd ya point that ought six at me?
You scared me so bad now, I ran into a tree
I know life is scary, but can't you let things be?
Big Mama, why'd ya point that ought six at me?

Dear Granny, I know you didn't really mean any harm
Not even when you grabbed me and twisted my arm
That senior centre defense course, it worked like a charm!
Dear Granny, I know you didn't really mean any harm

Oh Mamaw, put yer Uzi down and come out to dance!
I know it's been 20 years since you had the chance
We'll sing Pistol Packin' Mama, but please lose that fer-de-lance
Oh Mamaw, put yer Uzi down and come out to dance!