Ahem! In order not to offend in these politically sensitive times we all live in, I am considering a whole new approach, an elegantly simple one, to avoid causing anyone any offence.

It is this: to do nothing at all, and say nothing at all.

That should do it. I think it's time to launch a new national party, in fact, the Do-Nothing-Say-Nothing Party. We will have a convention where no one says or does anything. We will not campaign, we will give no speeches, we will have no policy. Nor shall we venture an opinion on anything.

If elected, we will continue doing and saying nothing for as long as we are in office.

Others will no doubt continue to offend people, but we shall not! By this means, we will soon become, I predict, the most popular party in political history.

The whole country will get behind people who do and say absolutely nothing, because no one will ever be offended by them.

Anyone want to join the Party?