Yeah, eh? "That clock won't tick." ;-)

Well, I heard that this one fool actually went and ordered an Acme penis enlargement kit...$35.

The package arrived in the mail a week later. It consisted of a piece of wood...like a cutting board...and a large wooden mallet.

The instructions: Get your penis out and place it on the board. Strike penis forcefully with mallet. Penis will swell noticeably within the next few hours and will retain its larger size for some time thereafter. Repeat as often as necessary. Lifetime guarantee.