My Mother-in-Law

As sung by Mrs. Sullivan at Shafter, 1940

Now friends if you'll listen
I'll sing you a ditty
Of the ugliest old woman
That ever you saw.

She is so ugly
She frightens the children
When they go for a walk
Out on the street.

With a hole in her head
Like a crack in a punkin
And a hump on her back
And such very large feet.

O my life is all trouble
No pleasure I see
Wherever I go
That old lady watches me.

I'd rather be drug off
To jail or to congress
Then spend all my life with
My mother-in-law.

I told that old lady
When I married her daughter
I didn't intend
The whole family to wed.

Then quickly she picked up
A bucket of water
And taking good aim
Let fly at my head.

O my life is all trouble
No pleasure I see
Wherever I go
That old lady watches me.

Meade's Country Music Sources credits this to German-dialect comedian Gus Williams (1876), but I haven't been able to locate the original. Interestingly, this is one of the few German-American music hall songs that made it into tradition.