Poor "Shane" is dead
"Shane" McBride is dead
All gather round his coffin now and cry
He had a paunch from beer
And it was settlin' in his rear
Oh why did such a feller have to die?

Poor "Shane" is dead
"Shane McBride" is dead
He's now oh so peaceful and serene
His life it was a botch
And his hands are acrost his crotch
His fingernails have never been so clean

[spoken]
Then the preacher'd get up and he'd say
"Folks, we are gathered here to mourn and groan over our brother "Shane" McBride
Who did hisself in by drinkin' and messin' with Sudbury skanks"
And then there'd be weepin' an' wailin' -- from some of those women --
Then he'd say, "Shane" was the most misunderstood man in this territory
People used to think he was a mean ugly fella and called him a poxy drunk and an ornery pig stealer and they was mostly right"
But

[sung]
The folks that really knowed him
Knowed that beneath them two filthy shirts he always wore
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
"Shane" McBride loved to "touch" his fellow man

[spoken]
He loved the birds of the forest
And the beasts of the fields
He loved the mice, and the lice in his shirts
And he treated the rats like equals (which was right)
He loved all the hostesses at Tim's
He loved two-fours and everybody in the world
Only . . . only he never let on
And nobody ever knowed it

[sung]
Poor "Shane" is dead
"Shane" McBride is dead
His friends are weepin' wail for miles around
Blind River in the dell
Will give out a better smell
Because poor "Shane" is underneath the ground

Poor "Shane" is dead
A candle lights his head
He's layin' in a coffin made of wood
And folks are feelin' sad
'Cuz his hangover was bad
And they know them aliens feasted really good

Poor "Shane" is dead
A candle lights his head
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're runnin' out a' ice