"Before I leave, though, I need to make a clean breast of things, pardon the expression, so here goes.

The reason for the Iraq war was control of Middle Eastern oil reserves, plain and simple.

The reason for opposing stem cell research was to slow it down until my pals in Big Pharma-land could get a position on it.

My foot dragging on global warming was to stave off the heat for my buddies over in Big Erl.

And I haven't had sex in twenty-seven months, but I have gone on the bottle again, and you would too if you had to put up with the noise I have to in this job.

Thank you.

Oh, and, yeah, I did wimp out on the ANG requirements, but I knew I could get away with it. And, yes, my driver's license was revoked in Maine. But Dad covered it up for me, like any good Dad would if he could. So this is not the first fuck-up over which I have presided, but it sure has been the biggest, and I have to say thank you, America. I've really had a hoot running things into the ground, even unintenitonally. It's been kinda fun, if you unnerstan' what I'm saying. I am sorry it has taken so much out of you, my fellow-citizens, but at least you haven't aged thirty years' worth like I have in the last eight.

Thanks for all the grins, blood and tears, and God Bless Amurika."