This is the best I have ever been able to come up with, but not being a Lanky speaker there may be something lost in translation. I have never managed to interpret the pub landlord's name with confidence hence the brackets

The Talking Dog

Bob (Balloons) was the landlord of the Ring of Bells pub,
With his wife and their son, gormless John.
In the daytime his wife tended cattle round back,
And in the evenings, with John waited on,
And in the evenings, with John waited on.

In a sing song at night John played piano a bit.
He were lazy but by he were (...?....).
“Will thee follow me or shall I follow thee?”
And anyway each took his course,
And anyway each took his course.

John were sent off to market by Bob for a cow,
And on his way into the town,
Met a rum-un called Annie but a blondie to some,
And he took her to sup at the Crown,
And he took her to sup at the Crown.

Well he wined her and dined her and he took her t'fair,
Where they copped on to all of the rides,
Then they ate sugar plums, black peas and the like,
And they saw the Fat Lady besides,
And they saw the Fat Lady besides.

(They had coconut shies, won a rag doll for her,) ?
Then John said "Let's walk down t' wood".
"I will if thou only behave", said Anne.
"Thou'd be upset, me lass, if I should,
Thou'd be upset, me lass, if I should.”

Later on John jumped up on recalling his task.
“He'll kill me! I've spent all his brass.”
“He's no angel hisself,” whispered Anne in his ear.
“With that barmaid he's flattened some grass.
With that barmaid he's flattened some grass.”

"Where's the cow?" Bob did ask. "Now't in cow line", said John.
"Where's me brass then?” said father to son.
"About this here dog, it's a dog that can talk."
"Now come on, lad. Let's have less of fun.
Now come on, lad. Let's have less of fun."

"It's as true as I'm here, it'd be good for trade."
"That's workin' thee bonce", says his dad.
"If thou's bought’t, where is it, this miracle pup?"
"I were coming to that", said the lad.
"I were coming to that", said the lad.

"Coming home by canal, I were chatting t' dog
And he asked me where it would abide.
I said ‘Ring of Bells‘. He said "Bob Balloon’s pub?
Does he still have that redhead ont' side?"

You could here a pin drop and Bob's face it just fell,
And he said, "Lad, well what did thou do?"
"I drop kicked the bugger straight into canal,
To save it embarrassing you.”

SPOKEN
"Thou did right", said Bobby Balloons.




I'm sure someone on the wet side of the Penines can tidy this up.