A visiting General was due to inspect an army camp. Walls were whitewashed, windows polished and the flagpole painted. Everything was spick and span. When the General drove over the hill, he was horrified to see the camp gleaming in the sunshine. It was an easy target for the enemy. He called on the commanding officer and angrily demanded that the camp be camouflaged, saying that he would be back in six months for another inspection.

Six months later, he drives over the hill and is amazed to find no sight of the camp, just a pastoral scene with sheep on the hills, cows in the meadow and a babbling brook running through the valley bottom. He checks his GPS and map and, sure enough, he is in the right place. He makes his way down to where he knows the camp entrance ought to be when suddenly a tree runs across in front of him, forcing him to make an emergency stop.

"SOLDIER!" he screams, "Stop right there". The tree snaps to attention.
"Do you realise that you ruined a perfect camouflage. By moving, you could have given your position away to the enemy. I hope you've got a good explanation."

"Yes sir" stuttered the soldier.
"When a dog cocks its leg against me, I'll stand there for Queen and country;"
"When a bird makes a nest in my hair and lays an egg down the back of my neck, I'll stand there for Queen and country;"
"But I draw the line when a squirrel runs up the inside of my trouser leg and shouts 'Oh goody, nuts! I'll have one now and save one for winter'."


DC