Women don't leave a man because the other man has a "bigger tractor". That's total mythology. No woman has ever left a man to find another man with a bigger tractor. They leave because they want to find a man who is NICER and MORE FUN and LESS BORING and MORE HONEST and more EMOTIONALLY COMMUNICATIVE!!!!!!!!! Also, sometimes, they want to find a man who is more responsible, a better wage earner, more reliable, and stuff like that. It can get complicated, but it's never about a bigger tractor. NEVER. Basically, any tractor will do providing it's not being driven by a jerk, a loser, or an idiot. ;-)

So many men believe this "bigger tractor" bullshit will save them, though, that the sales of giant tractors have reached record levels. I know this for sure, because I get at least 20 emails a day telling me how I can get a bigger tractor!

Hell, I saw this guy go by on a tractor yesterday and the damn thing was so huge that it took up both lanes on the 2-lane highway. He had to have a police escort just to drive it home. What a fool.