Hamish rings his friend Alex.
"Hi Alex. There's party at my place tonight. Plenty of booze. I hope you can come."
"Well Hamish, I'd love to come but we have a nasty case of laryngitis here".

"Just bring it along" Hamish replies "we'll drink anything"

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After the birth of her first child, the young housewife became obsessed with cleanliness and hygiene, and went to great lengths to disinfect and sterilise everything with which her baby might come into contact.
One day the baby was cutting his first tooth, and she sought the advice of an old friend as to what she should do.
"Don't worry," advised her friend, "just put your finger gently into its mouth…" Then broke off, noticing the mother's horrified expression, and added hastily, "Naturally you boil the finger first."