Perhaps pdq will find this one funny as well...


Agenda for the 2008 REPUBLICAN National Convention
(Just Released 2008)

7:00 pm    Opening BILL OF RIGHTS BURNING (wiretapping, spying on U.S. Citizens, Suspension of Habeas Corpus, etc.)

7:15 pm    Pledge of Allegiance to the BIBLE, followed by ceremonial Shredding of the U.S. Constitution (which has been deemed "outdated")

7:20 pm    Larry Craig proposes a "wide-stance" platform to "pitch a bigger tent"

7:25 pm    Religious prayer and "family values" worship with Ted Haggard (no methamphetamine allowed)

7:45 pm    Key Note Address: "How to Double the National Debt and outspend ALL the Presidents in History in less than 8 years" – George W. Bush

7:55 pm    Rush Limbaugh proposes all "drug addicts" be thrown in prison! (except him, of course)

8:00 pm    How the Earth was created a mere 5,000 years ago (despite ALL THE SCIENTIFIC evidence) – Mike Huckabee

8:15 pm    Gay Wedding between Larry Craig and Ted Haggard- Jimmy Swaggart Presiding

8:35 pm    Mark Foley proposes a new age of sexual consent (15 years old, for BOYS only)

8:40 pm    "Let's All Send OUR…YOUR kids to War" – A discussion of ideas with Mitt Romney and George W. Bush

9.00 pm      Osama Bin Laden Memorial Rally – George W. Bush (He's dead right? We got him, right? I don't really pay that much attention to him anymore)

11.00 pm    Iraq Forever! Let's stay the course for the next 75 years – John McCain

11:05 pm    Speech: "Oil SHOULD BE over $100 a barrel; F*%K the Middle Class" – Dick Cheney 11:15 pm    Torture the hell out of the detainees, regardless of their guilt or innocence - Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense

11:30 pm    "In Defense of Marriage: the sacred covenant" a.k.a. "Wives and Mistresses: striking the right balance" – Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani

11:45 pm    Round Table Discussion: How to convince everyone that government always F$@ks everything up, then get elected and prove it!

11:50 pm    "Holding Oily Hands and Sharing Oily Hugs: My Life with George W. Bush" – Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia (country of origin of Bin Laden and MOST of the 9/11 hijackers)

12:15 am    "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Fox News (Fair and Balanced)

12:30 am    Address by Lobbyist Jack Abramhoff – Via satellite from Federal Prison

12:45 am    Key note address: How to increase the national debt while funneling the nation's treasure to your buddies – Dick Cheney, Halliburton

12:50 am    Speech and toast by Alberto Gonzales to the departure of hard working attorneys. "Don't F*&K with my boss' rich friends"

12:55 am    Tom Delay proposes a toast to selling our country to lobbyists for private gain – Via Satellite from one of his many vacation homes

1:00 am       Platform Discussion: Secret Gay Sex, YES! Out In the Open Gay marriage, NEVER! (Haggard, Foley, Craig, presiding)

1:05 am       Speech: "on 9/11 I was 9/11 about 9/11, but who 9/11'd 9/11 anyway" – Rudy G. (a.k.a. Mr. 9/11)