I got the impression from the opening post that Bobert has seen an MD, at least since the incident with the message therapist:

"I'm now on muscle relaxers, heavy duty anti-imflamatories, hot and cold compresses five times a day, electrical stimulation to the affected muscles and physical therapy a couple times a week..."

The first two things he mentions would seem to be prescription medications, no? They'd only be available (well, only be legally available) through a licensed medical doctor, or at least a nurse-practitioner working within the recognized medical establishment.