Bobert, I think you're right about not needing them doctors to treat you.
I looked up your symtoms in my "Big Picture Book Of Medical Stuff" and I think I know what's going on. It's either a touch of Nile River Lung Worm, or you have Schistosomiasis Bilhartsia of the rotator cuff.
It's not real clear, but you mighta got one or t'other from eating uncooked bear meat from Egypt.
I'm sure the rest of my Muddoctor collegues will back me up.
Now that we cleared that up, just send a check for whatever you think is fair.
Here's hopin' you feel better soon.