Actually, they likely aren't over-reaching. It can be very hard to let a loved one go, as we saw with the tragedy surrounding Terry Schiavo, where the family used their religion (Catholic in that case) as their rationalization and justification for not taking her off life support.

These are painful, difficult decisions. But when next of kin seem to be in complete denial of the reality that the person isn't a person anymore, then it is the doctor's and hospice staff's role to ease them into letting go.

It is quite difficult, especially if their loved one said they wanted to be kept alive with a respirator or other extraordinary means, as happens some times.

Towards the end of my mother's life, when she was revising her living will for the last time at the urging of her hospice coordinator (they eventually ask you to do this, or may not accept/keep you in their care program), she suddenly thought going on a respirator might be a good idea. Now, she was really just denying that if a respirator became necessary to sustain her, it simply meant it was her time to go. She came around within a day or two. It is hard and sad having to guide loved ones through this. I know I don't ever want to be faced with the choice for my own care my mother was forced to make about hers.

Finally, the decisions for her care were turned over to my sister, so our mom wouldn't have to keep making those hard decisions. When her pain got so bad they had to up the morphine to the lethal level, we never even discussed it with her. We simply asked if she wanted to increase the morphine, and she said yes. She was gone in just under 48 hours.

Mercifully, and compassionately as we could make it for her, and her for us.

Don't hesitate to ask the family what they think their loved one would have wanted regarding THEIR suffering along with them to the end. Almost without exception, elderly people will say they don't want to be a burden, or any trouble, or some such thing. But what they do want is for us to be there compassionately for them, and to do the loving thing--which is sometimes the hardest thing of all, as seems to be the case here.

Ending the suffering as quickly and painlessly as humanly possible is always the most merciful thing we can do, unless the person still is conscious and in control of their decisions, and chooses to hang on.

The patient's wishes should be followed as much as possible. But it isn't always possible, or even merciful and compassionate, to always give the patient their way on these issues. Which is what makes the judgment call so hard on others, family and medical staff left with the decision especially.