Nearly two years ago my mother, at 86, suffered a debilitating stroke that left her unable to communicate and with minimal movement in her left arm only. She ended up with a feeding tube and was put into a nursing home in South London, totally helpless and with very little, if any quality of life.

Due to her difficult nature she had alienated mysel anf my eldest brother and my younger brother, with whom I had no contact, was unable to cope with the problem so she was left in the nursing home with no visitors and no personal belongings around her until my daughter found out and made sure, between her and my son, that their grandmother was was made more comfortable.

There was no real hope of recovery but, even so, when she suffered rectal bleeding she was sent to hospital where, since they were unable to do any tests to discover the cause, due to her incapacity, she was sent back to the nursing home. That was when we made the order for palliative care only.

It took her ten months to die and for all of that time she was totally dependent on others, unable, even, to make any decision as to whether she wanted the TV in her room left on all day. In fact, that was about the only company she had for most of the time.

If we could have had the feeding tube removed we would have. I did not like my mother and cannot truly say that I had any love left for her - she was not a good mother and didn't really even try to be. However, I would not want to see anyone in that situation and, if there had been more feeling there for her, might have taken the risk of helping her out of that life.

If we had been a venal family we might have tried to keep her alive by any means possible as, all the while she was in the nursing home, her pension was being paid, including various allowances, to the tune of about two hundred pounds a week. My daughter checked with the DHSS and was told that the amount was correct and that none of that would go to the nursing home for care. For us, though, it was a relief when she finally did die of pneumonia on my granddaughter's birthday in November 2006.

I now have a living will and have stated that I do not wish to be kept alive in such circumstances, If any of my loved ones were going down the same route I hope that I would have the strength to make that very difficult decision. Apart from the financial cost I feel that the emotional cost to those remaining has got to be heavier whilst a loved one lingers in such circumstances than the actual death of that person. On the religious question, I could not worship a god who would insist on keeping alive someone in that state, particularly at such an age. That, however, is my own personal opinion and I know that others are likely to disagree.