Between Marx and Marzipan in the dictionary, there was Mary

I never made the first team, I just made the first team laugh
And she never came to the phone, she was always in the bath

No amount of poetry could mend this broken heart
But you could put the hoover round if you want to make a start

One dark night, he came home from the sea
And put a hole in her body where no hole should be


- all courtesy of The Bard of Barking