OK, now we're in for it. I found a George Carlin quotes page. It really is reassuring to know someone has a sicker sense of humor than I do.

Here we go.

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."

"One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like."

And I just love this little blessing of his:

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."