The doctor told the nurse to let him know right away when the old man's energy level gets back to normal after his injection.

The nurse asks the doctor how will she know when his energy level is back to normal ... by what criteria?

The doctor says, "When he wakes, simply tell him you have come to give him super sex and then record his reaction. "

So later that evening she comes to his bedside, nudges him, and tells the old man that she came to give him "super sex."

The old man comes to ... then thinks a moment ... and then says, "I think I'd prefer soup."

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A retired Italian winemaker went to the village church to make his confession for the first time in many decades. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! You have no need to confess it."

"It's worse than that, Father," he continued. "She quickly started to repay me with adult favours."

"People in wartime sometimes act in ways they wouldn't under normal conditions. If you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. May I ask a question?"

"What, my son?"

"She is pretty old now, should I tell her the war is over?"

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A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.

The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"

The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"

"Yes, Granddaughter. It's me."

"It's really, really you, Grandmother?" the woman repeats.

"Yes, it's really me, Granddaughter."

The woman looks puzzled. "You're sure it's you, Grandmother?"

"Yes, Granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."

The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."

"Anything, my child."

"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"