I guess I should read the first two threads, but I will take the chance that no one has told these two.

An old man looks over the fence and sees the young daughter of his neighbor with a shoebox on the ground, and a shovel. The little girl is crying as she is digging the hole. Fearing the worst, the old man asks her why she is crying and digging the hole. "I am burying my pet parakeet" she sniffed. "I'm so sorry," sez he, "but, why such a big box for a parakeet?". She answers, "Because it's inside your fecking cat."

Clancy is having a drink with Seamus. Seamus has this puzzled look on his gob, obviously deep in thought. "What're ye thinking about, Seamus?", sez Clancy. "I was just wonderin', Clancy, if you was out fishing tomorrow, and I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife, and she became with child, would we be related?" Clancy scratches his head, and thinks very hard. Finally he says, "Well, I don't know if we would be related, but we would be even".