"most catters want me dead anyway"

Skipy, most 'catters (certainly THIS 'catter!) want you alive, and free of the deep addiction that's clearly made your life a living death, and is at the root of the serious depression you seem to be in, judging by some of the hysterical stuff you post.

Dump those cancer-sticks and get a life - YOUR life, get it back, it's never too late. Nobody is losing here except YOU, and it's all your own doing. No good squealing like a stuck pig at everybody else, you've made the choices yourself - live with it or DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

You have it within your power to break free from the chains of addiction which are taking away your social life and turning you into a paranoid wreck. Get help and get it NOW.

I wish you nothing but good fortune, you're in my prayers.