Janie,

I will refer you over to the decluttering thread, and suggest that wherever you move, you sort out all of the stuff you don't need now. Don't box it up and declare you'll sort it later. That makes the move a lot harder and the choice of where to move difficult--where will it fit, or where will you store it? And for how long?

I would recommend the two-stage après-divorce move I did because it seemed to work pretty well. I am not a fan of long-term apartment living, but I moved to a two-bedroom apartment for 2 1/2 years after the divorce. I stayed in the same area, and though the drive to school was out of my way it meant they had all of their friends still. Their father kept the house (I'd never liked it, he was welcome it it, but more than that, it meant the neighborhood network I'd built up was still there for the kids) so they went to that school system based on his property taxes. I don't know if you're looking at schools now, but leaving as much of your son's world intact will be a big help to him if he's in a comfortable spot.

Before moving to Fort Worth we lived in a little town south of here. My now-ex had to drive about 40 miles to work, because he worked near a college town where the rent was much higher. In retrospect, I'd have preferred the college town and would have better employment opportunities for me, but he made the choice while I was still working in another state. The apartment we started in was in a square building, we each had a quadrant. It was a nice design but noise and cooking smells transmitted through the attic and walls. We had a drug dealer neighbor who used to blast the stereo or sometimes (I kid you not!) turn on his motorcycle IN THE HOUSE to mask the sound of drug deals going down. They tapped into our TV cable (did it one night while I was watching tv--how could I not notice?) and were upset that I reported them. We were glad to move from there into a townhouse that opened up (and the manager was glad to move us into it--she rented those to people she knew would take care of them). Eight years in the space weren't too bad, though I banned the idiot who mowed lawns from entering my front yard because he would routinely push his mower into flower beds. I did have some bad neighbors on one side, and it made life tough at times. Dog poop, noisy children, a wife-batterer (and she was pregnant). Heard it all through the walls. I hated having to do laundry in the communal laundry room. Why did everyone seem to wash dog beds right before I needed to wash baby clothes? I was glad to buy a house, but aside from having my own washer and dryer I didn't like the house and the yard was very small. I did what I could and left a legacy of good quality trees in what had once been plain Bermuda and boxy hedges.

After the divorce I moved into an apartment where I couldn't plant anything. The townhouse at least had covered parking, but the apartment was open lots and I had all four tires slashed one night and another time two tires slashed. And this was a relatively "good" apartment complex. I used the pools a few times, usually choosing the quiet lower rectangular pool because we were there on our own there. The more charismatic party pool and hot tub was frustrating--parents would socialize and pay no attention to their children in the water. I pulled several out to avoid drownings, and resented the fact that these parents relied on someone else to do their job. I got no pleasure out of it.

Fights in the parking lot on weekends were commonplace, so I was glad that the kids spent the weekends at their father's house in the old neighborhood. The cable television folks rarely could keep our apartment up and running for more than a few months at a time, and then I'd have to wait for them to come out and reattach us after disconnecting the wrong apartment. I chose to use the utility room in that apartment to store, floor to ceiling, boxes and furniture I didn't have room for, so was back to a poorly designed public laundry room. It was frequently broken down and people were stupid and rude about using it.

Apartments are one place where the lowest common denominator end up because they don't have the discipline to save and buy their own homes. They are where very young people start out. They are where families live between houses, and they are where divorced people move to. I moved in and it allowed me to figure out what I wanted before I jumped into a house. Right at the time of the divorce I almost moved, I was set to close on a house in New Mexico, but the ex and his passive aggressive approach to legal matters (a really slow attorney with a reputation for incompetence) messed it up. In hindsight, it was better for the kids to be near their dad. I couldn't have mustered the energy to try to find and buy another house anywhere right then, so the rest involved in simply renting for a while was useful.

Long, but helpful, I hope.

SRS