I'm sure that was one of George Welsh's originally, as told in The Cumberland Arms, Byker, circa 1984 - only the lines are reversed. Bloke goes into Greggs 2 minutes before closing. 'What's left?' says he. 'Well - you can have the cheese pasty or a meringue,' comes the reply. 'Na - yer reet, pet - I'll have the cheese pasty.'

Of course back then, Greggs was a uniquely North East experience (Greggs of Gosforth indeed) but we've even got one here on Lytham high street; however, it's only the ones in Tyneside that sell the famous stotty cakes. Needless to say as an ex-pat Geordie our freezer's full of the bloody things, but fortunately my Lancastrian wife is as fond of them as I am.

Is it worth pointing out that The Beuk o' Newcassel Sangs was originally published by Joseph Crawhall in 1888? A copy sold at auction in America for $373 in 2006, which doesn't seem a fat lot at all really, especially when copies of the 1965 facsimile are fetching upwards of £80.

Okay - now back to those JJ Niles clips that have me so beguiled...