My wife and I each have our own tube of toothpaste. That, and a tax accountant, may have saved our marriage.

As for men and seats up or down -- last summer a fella decided he couldn't go a hundred more yards to the potty on the golf course so he used a tree at the corner of my property. Thing is, that tree is right in view from the deck of the house next door and children live there. Besides, it just ain't sanitary or necessary.

This summer I'm gonna photograph anyone doing that and a) post the photo in the clubhouse, b) hand the photo over to the cops, and c) return the favor by finding out where the guy lives and spraying certain scents (e.g., essence de skunk) on his lawn.