Charming quotes from the drinking underground, to which you are invited to append those you have coined when under the affluence of inkohol:

"I don't hide inside the bottle. The bottle hides inside me."
Patrick M. slowly camouflaging a bottle of gin at the Lion's Lair.

"Why should I apologize? It was my beer!"
Bessie after spilling her Sierra Nevada into Darius' lap at Matty's Corner, Black Rock, CT.

"You know, man, some people may call you a stoner, but to me you'll always be a drunk."
Mike L, 23, complimenting his buddy Duffy over a bottle of Windsor and bong loads in a California hotel room.

"They treat me like a king in this bar, because I act like one." Tony T., roughly 25 minutes before being "crowned" by the bartender and carried from the bar for helping himself to one of his minion's beer at the Corner Bar, Newark, NJ.

"Why you reading a book in a bar? That's like arm-wrestling on the Moon."
Name unknown dishing out a unique brand of logic at the Curtis St. Lounge.

"I'm sort of a fashion nut, and I was just checking on what kinda shoes people are wearing this season."
Charlie picking himself off the floor of the Broadway Bar and Grille in Nashville, TN.



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"I am brilliant and charming. You are overly talkative. He is disgustingly drunk."
Dan M. at the Cruise Room explaining the contrary effects of five martinis on three different people.

"Either you're too drunk or I'm too sober."
Sara N. attempting to get to the bottom of why she can't understand a friend's conversation.

"When I'm loaded I feel like a glamorous movie star with a totally retarded publicist."
Terry S. struggling to rationalize heightened self-esteem and lukewarm reviews at the Carioca Cafe.

"I went out last night and didn't drink a drop. I talked all night and in the morning I remembered everything I said. It was horrifying."
Juan R. explaining his third shot of the afternoon at Swanky's.

"How do you look when I'm sober?"
Ring L. postulating a question to a gent with a strikingly eccentric hair style.

"A hangover is just Beer's way of reminding you you shouldn't have stopped."
Pat S. channeling the God of Hops at Gabby's Bar in Toronto.



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"Call my number. I don't want to reach down in there if it doesn't work."
Jake B. asking a friend to call the cell phone he just dropped in the Streets of London Pub's toilet.

"See, that's the problem. I get so drunk I always forget I said it."
Robert N. explaining why he has already managed to break the previous night's promise of "I'll never get this drunk again."

"It's not 'drinking for breakfast,' sir. It's merely round 12 of my nightcap."
Anonymous patron shrugging off disdain from a waiter during a morning diner visit.

"I drink well tequila because we wicked drunks need to be punished."
Lady P. beating herself up at the Squire Lounge.

"If you want something you'll have to speak up. I can understand Drunk all day long but I'm not fluent in Shit Head."
A waitress named Stacy giving a brief linguistics lesson to a belligerent and mumbling patron.

"Keep your legs together, and don't get high-centered." Bobby Mac on most any Friday night in the Miles Inn, Sioux City, IA.



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"It's because I don't believe in God that I am so terrified of him."
Mike S. grappling with a dubious belief system and a double bourbon at the Lion's Lair.

"Common sense is for commoners, and I happen to be a royal asshole."
Unidentified patron fending off a bartender's query of "Do your think another shot is sensible?" at the Squire Lounge.

"I thought I was dancing 'til somebody stepped on my hand."
J.D. after nine J.D.s in Club AK, Fairbanks, AK.

"Bartender, one more pony Bud, please. They give me the illusion of height to fend off the Lilliputians."
Reggie elevating his stature and sense of the absurd in Hank's Saloon, Brooklyn N.Y.