You will find me drinking rum,
Like a sailor in a slum,
You will find me drinking beer like a Bavarian,
You will find me drinking gin
In the lowest kind of inn,
Because I am a rigid vegetarian.

So I cleared the inn of wine,
And I tried to climb the sign,
And I tried to hail the constable as "Marion,"
But he said I couldn't speak
And he bowled me to the Beak
Because I am a happy vegetarian...

No more the milk of cows
Shall pollute my private house
Than the milk of the wild mares of the Barbarian;
I will stick to port and sherry,
For they are so very, very,
So very, very, very vegetarian.
                      -- G. K. Chesterton