When England wants to play a tune of which she can be proud,
she needs an instrument to play that is both shrill and loud.
The concertina is no good, the fiddle is too frail
bodhran and harp are foreign, the melodeon's gone stale.
Guitars are ten a penny, the piano is too grand,
you need something that plays classic, folk, pop and brass band.
The answer is so obvious, on this I'll no more drone:
The English National Instrument is the Mobile Phone!