WILLIE JOHN McMENEMY
(Gordon Menzies)

Now Willie John McMenemy, he lived in the Gallow Gates
He got married at an early age tae a bonny lass named Kate
They never had much money, but they never had much strife
They never had an angry word in all their married life

Now Willie John McMenemy, he said tae his wife, "Now Kate,
Oor little room and kitchen we're goin' tae decorate."
He painted the ceiling, the walls and the doors, he did'na miss the rug
Then he said, "Noo Kate, I won't be late. I'm gonna run doon tae the pub."

Chorus:
They never had much money, but they never had much strife
They never had an angry word in all their married life

You see, Willie John went boozing, while Kate she sat at home
"How can I occupy my time while I'm sitting here alone?"
"Willie, he has nae cleaned the brushes, noo that something I can do."
So she cleaned them in some petrol and she coked it doon the loo

Chorus:
They never had much money, but they never had much strife
They never had an angry word in all their married life

Well, three days later in came Willie as drunk as he can get
Straight in tae the toilet and he lights a cigarette
He was sitting on the clutchie, so happy and content
A final drag—upon his fag—and phhft doon the loo in went

The petrol it ignited underneath poor Willie's rump
And the force of the explosion fairly made poor Willie jump
His backside black and blistered and his troosers roond his feet
He cracked his heid on the cistern lid and quickly went to sleep

Chorus:
They never had much money, but they never had much strife
They never had an angry word in all their married life

Now the ambulance was summoned for poor Willie lyin' there
And the stretcher was made ready for to cart him doon the stair
But the ambulance attendant hearing how he came to harm
He laughed that hard and he dropped him and he broke his bloody arm

Final Chorus:
They never had much money, but they never had much strife
Till Willie John got knackered by his ever lovin' wife