COME AND JOIN US - as sung by the Corries

Come and join us; Come and join us; we are the chosen few
Come and join us; Come and join us at a Scottish barbeque

Now when the charcoal's burning fiercely
And the smoke gets in your eyes
The steaks all taste like fried toothpaste
And yer mouth is full of flies
You know you've been accepted
You've joined the chosen few
When you have been invited
To a greenbelt barbeque

Chorus

Now when the summer sun is burning
In Scotland's happy land
Round countless fires
In strange attires
Are many solemn bands
Of unhappy Scotsmen watching
Their lunch go up in flames
By the smoke and the smelly
Ye kin plainly tell its barbie time again

Chorus

Now the English love their roast beef
The French eat snails and frogs
The Greeks go crackers over their mousakas
And the Chinese love hot dogs
A Welshman loves tae have a leak
the Irish eat their stew
but ye just can't beat that half-cooked meat
at a Scottish barbeque

Chorus

Now theres flies stuck in the butter
The bread has gone brick hard
The kids are fightin and the midges are bitin
Who forgot the Aeroguard?
There's cinders in yer whiskey
And the beer is running out
And what ye saw in mum's coleslaw
Ye jist don't think about

Chorus

And when the barbie's over
Yer homeward way ye wend
With a queasy tummy
On the family dunny
Many lonely hours ye spend
Ye might find yersel reflectin
As many others do
Come rain or shine
That's the bloody last time
Ah'm gaun tae a barbeque

Chorus

or another one i heard them sing was SUNDAY DRIVER

Well ah've been a Sunday driver noo for manys a happy year
Ah've never had ma Morris Minor oot o second gear
I can drive at fifteen miles an hour on motorway or track
Wie ma wife up front beside me and her mother in the back

Chorus
There wis me and ma daddy and ma daddy's mammy
And her sister's granny and four o her chums
and aunty jean (changes by verse)

In a crowd o fifty trippers ye kin always pick me oot
By ma "don't blame me I voted tory" sticker on ma boot
From ma bunch o heather stickin from ma radiator grill
And ma stick-on transfer bullet-holes ah'm licensed for tae kill.

Chorus
Aunty Peg

Ah've a hundred plastic pennants just tae show you where ah've been
Ma steerin wheel is clad in simulated leopard skin
Up front frae the drivin mirror hangs a plastic skeleton
And in the back a dog wi eyes that flicker off and on

Chorus
Aunty May ( IN duet one says may the other liz)

Now I always drive as though ma foot was resting on the brake
Ah weave aboot the road jist so's ye cannae overtake
Ah kin get ye so frustrated ye'll finish up in tears
And the sound of blarin motor horns is music to ma ears

Chorus
Aunty Liz

Now if ye wonder how these weekly trips ah can afford
Its because ahm on a stipen from the Scottish tourist board
Yer supposed tae enjoy the scenery the finest o its kind
And that is why I have a convoy following behind

Chorus
Aunty Rose

There's just no way of escaping me no matter how ye seek
For the simple facts that Ah'm a traffic warden through the week
Ah'm boostin my efficiency and here's ma master plan
Ah'm savin up ma pennies just tae buy a caravan

Chorus
Aunty gertrude
Repeat chorus
No aunty
"Yer goin to fast"