Hi, Offhand Manor. I wasn't familiar with this one, but I found it. It's by Percy French, 1854-1920. Reminds me of a hotel I stayed at, where the Mountains of Mourn sweep down to the sea - but it was a very nice hotel, just expensive.
-Joe

Mick's Hotel
(Percy French)

Has anybody ever been to Mick's Hotel,
Mick's Hotel by the salt say water?
None o' yez ha' been there? Just as well!
Just as well for ye! Oh!
If ye were an os-the-ridge ye might contrive
To get away from the place alive.
They charge you a dollar for a meal you couldn't swaller,
And it's down by the silver sea.
Oh yes I've been there
Yes I was green there
Hoping that the waiter might perhaps attend to me.
"What's in the tureen there?"
"Soup sir, it's been there."
Never again for me.

I went up to the bedroom, but I couldn't find the soap.
'Soap! is it soap by the salt say water?'
I went to ring the bell, but I couldn't find the rope,
And the waiter says to me,
'What the divil do ye want with a bedroom bell,
Haven't you a voice, and can't you yell!'
I made the waiter holler! but it cost me a dollar
Down by the silver- sea.
Oh yes, I've been there,
Wits sure are keen there,
But I was in no humour for the lad's jocosity;
Yes, I have been there,
Mick's King and Queen there.
Never again for me.

'You're waiting for your breakfast, sir, and now what will you take? Fish! is it fish by the salt say water?
All gone up to Dublin, sir, before you were awake?'
'Kidneys and toast and tea.'
Well now, there was a kidney, but I think it was last week,
Oh, the tea and the toast isn't far to seek,
And marmalade to folla' that'll cost another dollar,
Down by the silver sea.
Oh yes, I've been there,
Hoping against hope for that second cup of tea.
Oh, yes, I've been there,
Shall I be seen there?
Never again for me.

'You're going in the morning, and you'll want to pay your bill.'
Bill! Oh, the bill by the salt say water!
If you want to see the size of it you've got to climb a hill,
Or spread it on the silver sea.
They work by 'double entry' — then they multiply by three
And still there's three and sixpence that they haven't got from me.
'Oh, ye washed his flannel collar, put down "Laundry—one dollar!"
Though you washed it in the silver sea.'
Oh yes, I've been there,
Cleaned out quite clean there.
The waiter can't explain the bill, and Mick you never see.
Oh, yes, I've been there,
I got quite lean there,
Never again for me.

from The Songs of Percy French, Ossian Publicatins, 1996

Tune posted on request.

---

       Em                   B7
  Has anybody ever been to Mick's Hotel,
  Am        G          B7       Em
  Mick's Hotel by the salt say water?
  Em                           B7
  None o' yez ha' been there? Just as well!
  G        Am   B7 Em  D7
  Just as well for ye! Oh!
  G              C               G          c
  If ye were an os-the-ridge ye might contrive
      G                 D7
  To get away from the place alive.
         Am    D     Am    Bm     Am       G        D7
  They charge you a dollar for a meal you couldn't swaller,
            G                  G
  And it's down by the silver sea.
   G
  Oh yes I've been there
   C
  Yes I was green there
   G      D7       G               A7            D7
  Hoping that the waiter might perhaps attend to me.
   G
  "What's in the tureen there?"
  
  "Soup sir, it's been there."
   G       A7  D7  G
  Never again for me.