The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #2329700
Posted By: Rapparee
30-Apr-08 - 09:23 AM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
My heart is a raisin? All dry and shriveled up? I guess I'd best hie me to the cardiologist. Maybe a good long soak in rum or brandy will fix it....

By the way, "Little Billy" Bigge is in town, bass fiddle and all. He was cadging drinks up at the Legion Hovel last night. He wanted to play, but with his left arm in a cast he couldn't get the fiddle up under his chin, praise be to God. The last time he showed up he danged near punctured his carotid artery with the spike on the bottom of the thing. The Legionaires and Legionettes called the EMTs, of course, but they don't like to do that because when the EMTs leave there's considerably less booze for the Hovel habitants and the ambulance invariably knocks over the statue of Hiram Borah that's in the middle of the driveway.

Hiram, as you know, was the Senator's older (and illegitimate) brother. He was the first "meter maid" in town and was killed by a runaway milk wagon that was making its daily hootch deliveries back in 1921 when the horse was spooked a burst of maniacal laughter from a cowboy enjoying the soi-disant "pleasures" of "Miss Bircher's Home of Pleasure and Pain" across the street from the Anglican Church.