Washington DC's Dupont Music Circle Version:

Bring me a sheep, dear Mother,I'm tired of my brother.
If you need wool have the hind quarters shaved.
Don't bring a feeble old ewe; rams give you horns to hold to,
England is bad enough, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring me a llama, mama, dressed up in plaid pyjamas,
With garters of leather, sure that's what I crave.
'tis said from Skye to Greenock, Scots have a way with livestock,
England is bad enough, but Scotland's depraved.

Bring out the sheets of rubber, grease them with peanut butter,
Or if you prefer, you can use mayonnaise.
Put on your mask of leather, whip me with sprigs of heather.
England is bad enough, but Scotland's depraved.