"THE GHOST AND PETER T" (Sidesplitting laff-riot sit-com)
Scene: Weary wacko prof., Peter T (played by David Carradine) is sitting down to a bowl of brown rice and swamp water. He stares vacantly at the guitar in the corner, and begins contemplating the universe and his role in it. Suddenly the ghost of Paul McCartney (who's career died several years ago) appears before him. (McCartney is played by one of those dumbass Beatle look alikes they get for crap like this)
"Ello Mate, 'ear you didn't like Linda's bio pic, and you bin tellin' those mudcat losers what a load of old cobblers you think it was."
"Paul! What a surprise! No, no, it was about average, but couldn't they have scheduled it on a week when Gielgud didn't die? It's just too much to deal with what with only six people in the world having seen his Benedick and 40 billion knowing everything about your ex. It's nothing personal."
"Maybe not mate, but here's a few things that they missed. I'll bet you didn't know that along with Jagger, Morrison, and the London Symphony, Linda had quite a thing for a while with that Gielgud bloke".
"But Paul, he was as ga....."
"Not on your life mate, back in the sixties he was a happenin' dude. Just ask Marianne Faithful and Joan Collins, if he weren't."
"Well, I guess if you say so Paul...hey you've got your guitar with you, would you play a tune for me?"
"I'd love to Pete, but right now I'm in a bit of a dillema..maybe you can help me out."
"Oh I don't think so Paul, I'm not in your class, actually I'm still learnin...."
"No, really mate. Ya see I'm in the Heavenly Orchestra now, and God's calling the musical shots, and the bass chair's already been taken by that Jaco Pastorius guy, and see, God's a big Joanie Mitchell fan so he wants me to write something in this weird tuning. I think he calls it "open G", or something. All I need is a couple of chords...maybe a "C" and "D" and how to put it into this strange tuning."
Peter grabs Paul's Martin, and before you can say "Yoko sucks" has it tuned to G (even though it IS left-handed)
"OK Paul just put your fingers there...right, that's C. Now try this. Yep, you got it, that's a D."
"Well ALL RIGHT MATE! Man, you saved my bacon. I'll be off now and I'll let the orchestra know that I sure bumped into the right picker down here. Hendrix is gonna freak at this man...wouldn't be surprised if he drops by for a few tips as well. Say, do you know you look a little George Martin?"
"Well my teacher says so, but he's certifiable."
"You know Peter, it's a shame we didn't meet you when we dumped that Sutcliffe guy...you coulda been the smart AND the cute Beatle all rolled into one. You're the one Linda would have fallen for then!"
"Gosh Paul, I don't know...well perhaps...I mean would John have liked me?"
"Hell ya! Gielgud would have LOVED you. Like I said, he got around."
Fade to black.
Tune in next week for "Peter T gives Mike Harris a hotfoot!"