>>I maintain... us and them.

In a pub with three people in the main part of the pub (including you) YOU were the them they were the US. It was you who didn't engage (to their loss or yours) and to your regret

Very hard.

Come up to North Yorkshire (PM me before you come) and we'll make you welcome

I went to a club in Lymm before it closed which took itself away into a room and prided itself on its singing and its welcoming and it didn't work for me as I felt such an outsider that I felt unwelcome