Here are the common presidential attributes that have generally been needed in the past many decades to get elected president:

- Shameless pandering to people's paranoia, zenophobia, and aggressive patriotism.
- Shameless pandering to the the immense secular god that is America's military forces both at home and abroad ("our brave men and women in uniform"..."Und hail to Der Chief!")
- Shameless obedience to one's main sources of funding.
- Shamelessly opportunistic character attacks on one's opponent(s).
- Shameless pandering to people's shortsighted greed for a fistful of dollars (meaning a so-called "tax break").
- Shameless posturing to prove that one shares mainstream Christian religious values and family values with the American voters. That is, public shows of piety and frequent references of that sort, regardless of whether or not you actually believe in or practice any of it in your real life on your own private time.
- Nice looking suits with a flag pin on the lapel.
- Membership in a few elite system fraternities such as: Harvard and Yale graduates, lawyers, corporate officers, military personnel, nominal "Christians" (Has any president ever openly claimed to be a non-churchgoer? Or a Muslim? Or a Buddhist? Or a Hindu? Or an atheist or agnostic?).
- Official heterosexuality and a wife and family.
- A white skin and a penis (But those two may be subject to provisional review at this time...we'll see. Minor changes can be made to the menu when the moment is deemed appropriate.)

Did I miss anything important?