Lyrics:
in case anyone wants to play it:

Well, I'd much rather have a frog in my throat,
Or a porcupine stuck to my face.
I'd much rather have a bug in my ear,
Than a dog hangin' 'round on my leg.

Your girl asked you home to meet momma and daddy
She told them that she thinks you're nice.
But there's trouble ahead and you wish you was dead
If you don't take this friendly advice,

Don't pet the dog
Don't pet him whatever you do
Because he ain't been fixed, he knows some tricks
That'll sure make a fool out of you.

Don't pet the dog
He gets it confused with romance
Don't tickle his sides or look deep in his eyes
Or he'll be taking your leg to the dance.

You say it's OK, try to push him away
What's his name? Does he sit up and beg?
You try to be cool, but you look like a fool
With a dog hangin' 'round on your leg.

I've been to England, I met with the Queen
She served me biscuits and tea
She had a Great Dane, I said, "Hey, what's his name?"
You know what the Queen said to me?

Don't pet the dog
Don't pet him whatever you do
Don't tickle his sides or look deep in his eyes
Or he'll be making a fool out of you.

Don't pet the dog
He gets it confused with romance
Don't tickle his sides or look deep in his eyes
Or he'll be takin' your leg to the dance

Don't pet the dog.
Don't do it, don't do it.