LH, we will consider your miserable excuse for a dog Dachshund. Balls would of course improve his chances as would a different breed. Something more along the lines of a Bassett Hound if you must have something long and low. However we will give his application complete consideration. Remember that one of our founding members is not even warm and breathing...............hmmmm..............Say, here's a thought! Why not have the monkey wrangler use the sledge on the Dachsie???? That might improve his chances............