1. Sex is wrong - especially the non-procreative variety - this is the most important aspect above all else.

When you're out walking, you can't be having nookie. (Mostly anyway - hillsides are usually a bit too breezy, and too full of thistles and sheep crap for romance.)

2. Women are inferior or even down right evil (please don't complain - I'm only reporting)

Wainwright wouldn't take either of his wives walking with him.

3. Silly dietary restrictions

Fish and chips? Not very silly though, I admit.

4. Silly dress obligations and restrictions - may only apply to clergy however

Red woolly socks. Walking poles. Shorts. Nuff said, I think.

5. Lots of bizarre cerermonies

Cairn building. Kissing gates. Greeting people on the path who you don't know and will never meet again.

6. Magic - but only works if you 'have faith'

Any walker who's not at some point thought "God, help me get up this bastard hill" is probably not trying hard enough.

7. A book written by a supreme being or, at least 'inspired' by one. Can be full of sex, violence, racism etc - that's OK

Inspired by nature?

8. Give us yer money!!

Wainwright guides, for sale in all good bookshops now.

9 Don't mention Richard Dawkins

Don't mention planning authorities, road-builders, hydro-electric schemes or mountain bikers.

10 Pie in the Sky

Pie in the pub- the best kind!

Graham.