Shit! What will we do when we've all been exposed as scumballs. Possibly there will be mass suicides - thousands of people jumping over the white cliffs of Dover, cos they can't face life exposed as a scumball.

There will be Sun reporters outside all our houses, shouting through the letterbox, We know you're in there Mr Scumball. tell us your side of the story......Gerry Adams says you're a drunken brute and you used your fists on him, and forced him to do it with a rubber bullet.......

I had my fun with bearded politician and bikini clad Ian Paisley in night of shame, says love rat brit! Now I'm off!