Swear Bears would be much more useful. I envisage them as cuddly pastel-coloured beasts floating about on little clouds until they detect a discontented human beneath them. They would cause the cloud to descend, disembark, ease the human's distress by uttering foul oaths until the surrounding air turns blue, and then climb back onto the cloud and continue cruising.

In fact I tried to introduce this idea into the Lewes Arms pantomime a few years ago, but was overruled on the grounds of insufficient stage space.

Valmai (Lewes)