Now, I am a very handy man,
To save a bit of my plan,
Yesterday, I said to me wife,
"The backyard want a wash,
So it do, upon me life.
So we'd better go and do the job."
So I did and help me, Bob.
Mixed a pile of whitewash, set to work,
And the old girl helped me like an old Turk.

Chorus:
Slap dab, slap dab, up and down the brickwork,
Slap dab all day long.
In and out the corners, round the Johnny Horners,
We were a pair of fair clean goners.
Slap! Dab! The old white brush.
Talk about a fancy ball.
I put more whitewash on the old woman
Than I did upon the garden wall!

Now, my Missus and I confessed,
She put me in a new nightdress.
A nightcap, too, she made me wear.
She was dressed like me and we looked like a pair.

Chorus:

Now, feeling very dry just here,
I went to get a drink of beer,
When the kids from the house next door, I think,
Attracted by the whitewash, came and had a drink.
There's goin' to be an inquest now,
And I'm in a dreadful row.
Now I have done my mechanical schemes,
Every night in all my dreams.

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