I'm wishing for your future to take the shape of long happy years of good health.

I love the tone you created in your piece, and how your imagery consistently supports it. I imagine it softly told, in a room with a slight echo, and perhaps a sound from a small harp or flute to accent a phrase now and then.

Stretching the mind around a really novel set of concepts is a lot of work; there aren't any familiar referents to invoke with a word. (I cheated by borrowing the Speckled Bird/book metaphor from the old song; I wonder if that confuses more people than it helps.)

Once concepts and imagery are already there in an audience's mind, so you can invoke them with a word, then ironies and incongruities should start to emerge. While the whole scene is unfamiliar, I can't imagine a listener having brainpower to spare to play with the ideas while putting in a constant effort to picture them. It may be possible to find recognisable features on some of the creatures later on, though, and that could turn out funny.

Semi-Sub