Ake, in my opinion, you've got it wrong- or at least, are misunderstanding the implications of it

It reminded me last night of what my mother would say when I and my brothers had a fight. We were not a demonstrative family but when my mother would say, Now, tell him you're sorry.

And we would. Even though we knew the other person was wrong and we *hated* each other. We did it in the name of 'expediency' and in the cause of family, and because we had no choice.